She said her name was "party"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
