yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
