In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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