Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
