The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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