Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
