Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
