That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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