Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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