she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
