It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
