Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
