you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
