he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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