i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you would pick up someone in the library
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize