So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
