if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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