If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
