her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
