So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
