Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
