Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
