her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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