He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
