Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
