So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
