Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
