what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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