Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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