The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
