Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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