Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
