I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
pray to the hookup gods
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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