I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
