tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
