We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize