You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
my liver is dry heaving
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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