"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just cropdusted the office
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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