i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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