drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize