apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
