There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think your dad took our porno
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
