Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wear drunk well.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
