Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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