Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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