He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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