Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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