I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
