summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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