I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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