you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
