We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
