To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
