His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
