sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do vagina's smell?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
