Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
