I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
