The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
