She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
