dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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