I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
