There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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