In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
