I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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