I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
