maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish i was in the wii world.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
